Library Applicants

It's always interesting to look through the numerous applications for the openings I have at the library right now. I mean, when I have time to look at them due to the excessive phone calls from one particular applicant who has now called three times to make sure I received her resume in the mail even though we only accept resumes/applications/whatnot on our online site. "As I told you yesterday, ma'm, yes we received your resume in the mail. (and promptly shredded it) Please make sure you have submitted it electronically through our website as well."

And now for some of the highlights:



Resume Objective: To receive job as dental hygienist.

Applicable Skills: I speak some mexican almost fluently.

Applicable Skills: I like to smile.

Reason for leaving previous position: None of your business. It's private.

Reason for leaving previous position: Management terrible. She was a bitch.

Copy and Paste Resume: I will provide my resume when you provide me an interview.

Turkey Day

I always enjoy when patrons have a firm grasp on who they are in this world.


Very Elderly Patron: "I seem ass backwards today. Probably because I'm old. Happy Thanksgiving."


Bless you, old woman. Bless you.

Check your self.

I love listening to patrons talk to themselves at the self check.

"hmmm. I still have something checked out. What is it? Did I turn that in. No, I think it's on the table. I wonder how much more time I have. Is there a sequel? I should find out if there is a sequel..."

A Tree

Sometimes I have to assume that patrons had an ongoing conversation in their head and only chose to include us at the last moment. Case in point:

Patron: My daughter hung from a tree once.
Staff: Oh...
*Patron Leaves*

You Have to Return Those

Just overheard a woman ask for a gift receipt.
For her books.
At the library.

Quota Free Library

There are so many times when I'm confused if patrons understand libraries, what we do, how we work. It's almost like when they yell at me (usually over something dumb) and end it with "I'M NEVER COMING BACK HERE AGAIN!!!!" Don't get me wrong, I want everyone to have access to and visit their library, but I'm not heartbroken if someone CHOOSES not to for a dumb reason. Especially someone who wants to abuse the library or library staff. Today's case:


Patron has too many fines.
Patron: Well then I won't check out any books today! And I was going to check out a lot! You probably won't make your quota now.
*Patron seriously confused about how libraries work.